ARE YOU TOO NICE?

When in a relationship or even just dating, it's possible to be too considerate, too helpful, too selfless, and plain out too nice. Whether you're pursuing someone, being pursued or already, in a relationship, when you're too nice it can prevent you from having the relationship you really want. People appreciate respect, but they don't respect a pushover. When you're too nice, people tend to take advantage of you.

A prime example of being too nice is the “Nice Guy” personality. Nice guys are considerate, understanding, and they even send flowers. They'll do anything to gain a woman's approval. They do things like ask a woman permission to kiss her. However, this is not the type of man who fuels women's romantic fantasies. He is not a turn-on -- in fact, he's quite the opposite.

What turns women on is a guy who is self-assured and self-sufficient. A guy with a strong ego who goes for what he wants without asking permission. A guy who is capable of saying "no" and putting a woman in her place! A guy who is unpredictable, mysterious and full of surprises!

Although the example was of a Nice Guy it can easily be related to a girl who is too nice as well! Men love a good Challenge just as much as women if not more.

In the following paragraphs the word jerk can be easily replaced with the word bitch and the scenario can be reversed to change the subject from women who love to date men who are jerks to men who love to date women who are bitches. Jerks and bitches get what they want and nice guys and girls give it to them.

It is a widely known fact that women habitually date men that are jerks or in other words men that just are not good for them.

Women are sick to death of the endless number of men who are constantly catering to their every need. They're desperately weary of always getting their way with men and are hungry for a Challenge even if he doesn't come in the ideal form. This is where the jerk comes in. A jerk may not be the ideal guy for a woman but, he is the one that presents the biggest challenge, which at the end of the day is all a woman really wants.

Jerks provide something that all women desire, a roller coaster emotional ride. Once they have her interest, they start to pull back, stop calling her as much, or they’ll even cut her off completely. This sets a woman’s irrepressible emotions into action and the thrill of the chase is satisfying her emotions beyond belief. At this point the jerk catapults themselves head and shoulders above anybody else who is pursuing this same woman. The woman may date other people but, it is usually just to keep her occupied until the jerk gives her the opportunity to see him again. However, when the jerk comes calling, at his convenience of course, she will be there waiting and will drop any plans she may have, just for the chance to accommodate his needs.

Women will always say they want a “Nice Guy” but, they are hypocrites. This however, is not their fault. I already mentioned that their irrepressible emotion gives them an uncontrollable urge that they have no control of. As a man you cannot be upset when you are on the wrong end of one of these deals because you decided to be a nice guy. Men if you want to have great relationships with women you need to learn what women want and being a little bit of a jerk is necessary to trigger her attraction. Women if you want to have great relationships with men learn to bit a little bit of bitch to trigger his attraction.

What I mean is a man has to be able to court a woman, amuse her and excite her while continuously remaining a challenge. Women just show up in a hot outfit and play hard to get.

Here are some ways to stop being so nice in dating or relationship situations.

1) Keep your aspirations and feed your own interests. Your aspirations are the things that make you interesting (and who you are); this is the person they fell for in the first place. Never drop your interest to spend more time with someone; staying busy and having a full schedule makes you more attractive. If you have plans and they call you to do something, tell them you already have plans and they will have to wait to see you. Make it fun tell them “You’ll squeeze them in schedule”. Never break plans for them. I personally sometimes pretend I already have plans even when I don’t. This is a trick I call giving them the gift of missing you. Refer to the blog entry “The Best Gift You Can Give” for more details. You will begin to hear them say things like “You never have enough time for me!” When you hear statements like that, you know you are doing the right thing. It basically translates into please spend time with me; my life just is not complete without you! You now have them right where you want them!

2) Keep compliments to a minimum. Everybody loves to be complimented, but let them compliment you not the other way around. Once you start complimenting them all the time, it becomes predictable and boring (my two least favorite things). Instead of a compliment try teasing them a little, bust on them about something. I’m not saying to be mean but, be indifferent. For example if someone says “I’m having a bad hair day, instead of saying “no sweetie your hair looks great.” Say something like “I wasn’t going to say anything but”…...This is funny and at the same time it’s not mean. The person will appreciate your humor and it’s not as boring as a compliment. My friend told me she showed up for a recent date in a hot outfit and the guy just would not give her a compliment for anything, even after she asked him “how did she look?” She was looking good, short skirt, high heels, and cleavage everywhere, but he gave her no response. This guy used the no compliment rule to perfection. What do you do if you run into a similar situation? Use other tactics. Incorporate body language, bend down to pick something up in front of him or switch your ass while you walk away. Do something to make him notice you. Force him to notice you. Guys use slow deliberate movements, strut when you walk, make strong eye contact, or lick your lips.

3) Stand-up for yourself! Never allow your partner or anyone else for that matter to walk all over you. If your partner behaves badly let them know, don’t put up with it. Letting them know you don’t appreciate their behavior, communicates that you are not a pushover. I like to call this putting them in their place. This is the way I do it! I’ll say “I have something to get off of my chest”…”I don’t appreciate……” and then say what ever it is bothering you. There is usually no reason to fight about it because that won’t solve the issue but, it does plant the seed in their mind to think before they do something like it again. It also sends the message that your not someone to mess with which also makes you more attractive.

4) Last but, not least, in the bedroom, your mate appreciates spontaneity, assertiveness and a sense of adventure. Your mate doesn't want you to be delicate or tentative. They want passion. They want you to ravage them. They might even want a little dirty talk. For you woman out there this goes both ways. Men want you to be aggressive and take what you want. Don’t always wait for him to lead the way.

Most important, have a clear sense of who you are and what you want out of the dating or relationship situation that you are in. If you have a clear objective you will get what you want and avoid the dreadful personality of being “Too Nice”!